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[This is a letter my husband wrote to give out to Jr. High and High School girls at a Love Can Wait rally before we were married.]

Hello, I was asked to write a letter about my view on abstinence. I have an interesting point of view in that I have been in relationships in college where sex was involved, but now have been in a long term abstinent relationship. I am here to tell you that it is totally possible and is a good thing. In my past relationships sex often ended up being sort of a crutch in that it took the place of me emotionally getting involved. You see, it is easier to fulfill ones physical needs than emotional needs. God has designed us to have both needs, and by placing physical needs in front of the emotional needs, you are setting yourself up for a weak and shallow relationship. Sex WILL NOT make your relationship better if there is not nurturing taking place on a deeper level. Don't believe that it will. When I met my girlfriend she made it known that she had not had sex with anyone and was waiting until she was married. I respected that and thought she was unique in that I had only known a few women who had waited to have sex until marriage. However, I believe my reaction was not the norm. Don't be surprised that non-Christian males will think you to be uptight, repressed, not cool, and a goody goody. They feel like that because one, they cannot understand your relationship with God, and two, they want to have sex. I want you to know that I have more respect for Ellen than any other woman I have ever dated. Period! She is a godly woman, and you young girls need to know that it is honorable and right to be abstinent. If a guy cannot accept that, then he is ultimately putting his own desires in front of yours. That shows a lack of respect for you and is evidence of his selfishness. Now lets assume that you DO feel like you are getting the emotional depth out of the relationship and you both are wanting to become physically involved. In fact, some of you may fall in love in high school and have long serious relationships. Don't be surprised if you find yourself having an internal struggle even though you have been brought up in a Christian environment. My advice would be to admit to yourself and to God that you are feeling this way. Repent and ask God to help you have more faith in his word and a desire to follow. Society's advice would have you believe that if you are both consenting adults and are in love, there is nothing wrong with having sex. Well most of society hasn't accepted their need for Jesus and isn't in step with his plan for our lives. Of course they don't have a problem with premarital sex. I know that most of you are probably somewhat educated as to the dangers with premarital sex and multiple partners. AIDS, STD, abortion, etc. As one who has been on the other side of this topic, none of those things are truly effective in persuading one to wait. In fact, I think that even having a desire to wait is not enough. When the physical desires are going strong and you find yourself in a situation with your partner, stats about the rise of AIDS among heterosexuals and all that don't mean a thing. Trust me. If you are serious about your belief that you should wait, start praying about it NOW. Ask God to shield you and to keep you out of situations and relationships where you may fall. It is in God's word that he desires us to be pure so you can count on his strength to help you. Our relationship was not always as solid and prayerful as it is now, we didn't used to be able to handle things as well as we do now. But over time the Lord has put his hand in this and redeemed it. This is the best relationship I have ever had. Does that mean we still don't have those desires? No. God doesn't just turn off your hormones, but he will change your heart and help you keep HIM your focus instead of what you think you deserve. I would like to caution you against something that you may run into with guys. Lots of guys will try and rationalize that you can do all the other stuff besides intercourse and that is o.k. To me, that is evidence that you aren't really trying to follow God's will. What you are trying to do is play with the law and tip toe around it. It won't work. Besides, you are only setting yourself up to possibly go a little farther each time. The best thing you can do is to pray with your boyfriend. The two of you need to come together and be like minded about this or there will be tension. By the two of you praying together, you are strengthening your relationship with one another and with God. It is a three way relationship. Ellen and I are committed to lifting up our physical relationship to God and asking him to keep it right. He has!!! There is NO WAY I could do this if we both weren't committed. If you had told me four years ago that I would be in a relationship and not be having sex, I would have thought you were crazy. All things are truly possible with God and he can change anyone's heart, anytime, anywhere. I would encourage you young women to hold tight to God's plan, and know that in the end, the relationship will be stronger and more solidified by waiting and you will have peace knowing you are trusting in the Lord. Sincerely, Kurt Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6